Dying in America
by Living in America
Summary: After her ordeal on the street at the end of the play, Mimi doesn't have much time left. A look back, from Mark's perspective, at her last days. Oneshot.


If you're wondering "how did we get here?", it's pretty simple really. Another fateful night, exactly one year after the last; Christmas Eve, 1990. Roger thought Mimi was gone when he finished singing that song that he finally, finally wrote after all his angst about it. That night wasn't the last though; Mimi recovered for a short period of time, and then began to go back downhill only a few days after. Roger spent all kinds of time downstairs in her apartment, playing caretaker, but you could only bring yourself to go a few times to see her. It was just too much, watching Roger break his heart again and having to think that Angel would have, should have been here to so that Mimi's last days could be comfortable. You were relieved to find Collins the same way, a companion in your pain. The two of you sat up in the loft, feeling empty and not saying much, while Roger was downstairs with Mimi.

The last time you saw her was the day before she died - Roger appeared suddenly in the doorway early one morning and said "you two should come and see her", then disappeared again. Collins gathered up a change of clothes and some food for Roger and slowly the two of you walked down there. Mimi was so quiet, so thin, her breathing raspy and the blemishes on her face clear now; it was Angel all over again and Collins couldn't stay. He handed Roger the clothes and food, kissed Mimi on the forehead and left the apartment with tears streaming down his face. You didn't have much choice; you had to stay for your friends, just this once. You knew it was getting close to the end. You stayed all day, watching the sunlight move across the big windows of Mimi's apartment, the frost on the windows melt to water and then freeze again as night fell. Late that night you stood to leave, and told Mimi goodnight. You don't think she heard you, don't think she knew much of what went on all day. Told Roger to get some sleep - Roger, who had yet to put on the clean clothes or eat any of the food - and went back up to the loft.

You woke in the cold gray light of dawn and looked up to find Roger in the doorway. He stands as though the weight of all of New York City has been placed on his shoulders, and when he speaks it's almost unintelligible. "She's gone". It is only because you have known him so long that you understand, and then you are out of bed and standing with him in the doorway, holding him. Nothing can exist beyond this moment, because Mimi is gone, the girl that brought Roger back into the light of day and the world of humanity again. It was Mimi who inspired Roger to finally write music again, and to begin living his life, Mimi who got Roger out of the loft. You don't know what to say, and then the moment is over when Roger slips from where he is propped against the door frame and slides down in your arms, and you remember that he has done nothing but care for Mimi for several days now. You help him to your bed, tuck him in and by then he is already asleep, his face still wet with tears. You know that it is only temporary, when he recovers there will be a world of pain for him to face, but right now you need to handle the situation at hand - Mimi is still downstairs.

You call the only person you can think of, though you hate the world for it. "Mark?" "Benny... it's Mimi. She's gone." After a few moments of awkward and stunted conversing Benny realizes what you are asking and promises all will be taken care of. At least you can count on Benny for money, though you would rather he were as poor as you and Roger but with a heart of gold. You check on Roger - still sleeping. Wonder who you should tell next - and suddenly it is all too much and you have to get out, get out of the loft, of the building, so tainted with death and drugs and AIDS and everything else. You run to the stairs and stop dead when you realize you will have to directly pass Mimi's apartment door on the way down. Your mind is trying to escape this nightmare, not get closer to it, and so without thinking you head up the stairs instead until you reach the roof. The roof is a better place, a place where you and Roger and your friends - you refuse to think _their_ names right now - used to have fun and drink and laugh the night away. So that is where you go.

Today though the roof is a cold, gray place. Still, it's better then all that lies below. You wonder how long you can stay here before you freeze half to death. At least until Benny's money comes through and Mimi is taken away, you have to stay that long. So you curl up in a ball next to the ventilation area for the building's heating system and wait.

Two hours pass and somehow, you know. You stand up and move to the edge of the roof, leaning over so that you can see the street below - the same street where you, Mimi, Angel and Collins stood to sing to Roger that night last year. Sure enough your instincts were right, and a black car is pulling away from in front of the building. Mimi is gone forever now, gone to join Angel wherever she is. It is time for you, Mark, to go back down those stairs and face life without Mimi, try to rebuild things yet again and to live on. As you move back toward the stairs that will take you down to the loft, you feel something on your face. Look, it's beginning to snow.


End file.
